Saturday, May 24, 2008
Important mediocre parenting tip.
Alright, repeat after me. Even if you sometimes have the urge to put your child for sale on eBay, actually doing it is probably a bad idea and definitely a good way to get some unwanted attention.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Just one of those days.
I had anticipated doing my annual and hilarious Mother's Day tribute today, pointing out things like the hilarity of Dina Lohan receiving the Mother of the Year Award. Unfortunately, we're having a bad day.
Between the Captain contracting his first case of strep throat and the Deviant Dad's Grandma passing away yesterday afternoon, the only thing we're doing this Mother's Day weekend is going to New York for her funeral, which is tomorrow morning. Consequently, I'm not feeling much like coming up with my usual hilarious observations. Rest in Peace, Grandma Pearl.
That being said, I don't want to let the tradition die. So I will leave this year's photo essay of mother's that make our lives more entertaining...
Between the Captain contracting his first case of strep throat and the Deviant Dad's Grandma passing away yesterday afternoon, the only thing we're doing this Mother's Day weekend is going to New York for her funeral, which is tomorrow morning. Consequently, I'm not feeling much like coming up with my usual hilarious observations. Rest in Peace, Grandma Pearl.
That being said, I don't want to let the tradition die. So I will leave this year's photo essay of mother's that make our lives more entertaining...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Note to self...
Memo - the next time I'm tempted to let the Deviant Dad cut the Captain's hair, please reference previous posts on how bad the Dad is at giving haircuts. Should previous posts be unavailable, look outside at the freshly cut, uneven lawn with long sprouts sticking out here and there and none of the edging work done.
--Mediocre Mama
--Mediocre Mama
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Mediocre Drama
I am starting to believe that the only thing more mediocre than my mothering skills are the mothering skills of the people I hire to watch the Captain. I have been at the end of my rope with the babysitter for some time and am counting the days til late-August when I can finally say hasta la vista (insert "Baby" if you must for emphasis).
Clearly, the real problem is that I've only been picking the Captain up from her place on Fridays, which leaves me wide open for attack. As I've mentioned before, she has a Neanderthal view of parenting and seems to save up her pent up bullshit for days when I'm on pickup duty. If it's a Friday, all the better; she gives me a tongue lashing for everything that happened all week. So, here, for your mild amusement, are my last two Fridays in a two Act mini-Opera. PS - I envision the whole thing sung in Spanish...
Act I - The Potty
Now, just a little setting of the stage, the Captain has had absolutely no potty problems for months. Not only will he go in strange settings, he's mastering standing up when a proper step stool is present and even made an entire road trip to New York without any accidents. And it, therefore, perplexed us, that the only place he seems to be having "issues" is at the babysitter's house.
Me - How is he doing on the potty?
Babysitter - He doesn't want to go.
Me - Well, does he ask to go?
Babysitter - No. Never.
Me - That's so strange, because he always asks, not just us and his teachers but friends too.
Babysitter - (in a snarky tone) You know, I'm not one to tell someone how to raise their children (the audience laughs) but I know this woman who used to force her child to go on the potty and the child turned out strange.
Me - (aghast) Well, how can I be forcing him if he's asking to go?
Babysitter - (in disbelief) Oh, I wasn't saying YOU were forcing him.
Me - Well, it seems to me that if he's going at home, at school, and everywhere else, that it's simply a game he's started with YOU.
Babysitter - Oh.
Me - I'll show you how good he is. Captain (to the Captain)? Do you want to go to the potty.
CK - OK
Enter potty stage right
Me - Okay, Captain, where's the potty seat.
Babysitter - Oh, I don't have one.
The curtain falls.
Editors analysis - now, could it be that back in February when we started potty training and we took the time to go out and buy her a potty seat and dropped him off at her house with it, only to have her hand it right back to us with her exclaiming, "Oh, I don't need one I already have one," that she may have been...lying? And what's more, WHY?????? Is she so hung up on her old Italian ways of doing it her way that she can't for one second contemplate that an early potty trainer (under 2-1/2) might be a bit intimidated by the big bowl and if it doesn't mean any extra cleanup or drama that it couldn't hurt just to put him on the mother fucking seat?
Act II - Your child hits.
Our background for this blog entry is that every time the Babysitter wants to make me feel like a shitty parent she tells me that the Captain sometimes goes over and hits other kids and that she's never seen a child behave like that. He really should be put in a petri dish and studied.
Babysitter - The Captain sometimes goes over and hits other kids and I've never seen a child behave like that.
Me - Well, you've mentioned this before. Did you punish him?
Babysitter - Oh no. I won't do that. I'm just telling you so that you can take care of it at home.
Me - (defensively) Well, Babysitter, I'm not really sure what to tell you. You've mentioned this before and since I don't have other children around the house it's difficult to correct behavior that I'm not seeing. They correct him at school when it happens...
Babysitter - Well, obviously they're not doing a good job if he's still doing it (yes, apparently she believes it is their job to fix and not hers)!
Me - ...and he's no longer hitting at school because of it. And if I'm ever around it I correct it, but if you aren't going to punish him when it happens here I don't see what else you want me to do.
Babysitter - Well, I never would have told you I knew you were going to get upset.
Me - (raising my voice) You told me and I'm telling you what you should do. If he lashes out at another child he has to sit out and not play because playing is a privilege.
Babysitter - Well, I tried punishing him a couple of times in the beginning (Editors note - ummm...the beginning was 7 months ago) and it didn't work so I don't punish him.
(changing the topic)
So, Mediocre Mama, have you lost some weight?
Curtain Closes. The end.
This woman is killing me every time I see her. I feel like I'm running from the living dead when I see her (Editor's Note - Zombie movies rock, fyi), like if I let her speak one word to me she's going to suck my brain out.
3-1/2 more months. Holy crap I might not make it.
Clearly, the real problem is that I've only been picking the Captain up from her place on Fridays, which leaves me wide open for attack. As I've mentioned before, she has a Neanderthal view of parenting and seems to save up her pent up bullshit for days when I'm on pickup duty. If it's a Friday, all the better; she gives me a tongue lashing for everything that happened all week. So, here, for your mild amusement, are my last two Fridays in a two Act mini-Opera. PS - I envision the whole thing sung in Spanish...
La niñera es un cunt
Act I - The Potty
Now, just a little setting of the stage, the Captain has had absolutely no potty problems for months. Not only will he go in strange settings, he's mastering standing up when a proper step stool is present and even made an entire road trip to New York without any accidents. And it, therefore, perplexed us, that the only place he seems to be having "issues" is at the babysitter's house.
Me - How is he doing on the potty?
Babysitter - He doesn't want to go.
Me - Well, does he ask to go?
Babysitter - No. Never.
Me - That's so strange, because he always asks, not just us and his teachers but friends too.
Babysitter - (in a snarky tone) You know, I'm not one to tell someone how to raise their children (the audience laughs) but I know this woman who used to force her child to go on the potty and the child turned out strange.
Me - (aghast) Well, how can I be forcing him if he's asking to go?
Babysitter - (in disbelief) Oh, I wasn't saying YOU were forcing him.
Me - Well, it seems to me that if he's going at home, at school, and everywhere else, that it's simply a game he's started with YOU.
Babysitter - Oh.
Me - I'll show you how good he is. Captain (to the Captain)? Do you want to go to the potty.
CK - OK
Enter potty stage right
Me - Okay, Captain, where's the potty seat.
Babysitter - Oh, I don't have one.
The curtain falls.
Editors analysis - now, could it be that back in February when we started potty training and we took the time to go out and buy her a potty seat and dropped him off at her house with it, only to have her hand it right back to us with her exclaiming, "Oh, I don't need one I already have one," that she may have been...lying? And what's more, WHY?????? Is she so hung up on her old Italian ways of doing it her way that she can't for one second contemplate that an early potty trainer (under 2-1/2) might be a bit intimidated by the big bowl and if it doesn't mean any extra cleanup or drama that it couldn't hurt just to put him on the mother fucking seat?
Act II - Your child hits.
Our background for this blog entry is that every time the Babysitter wants to make me feel like a shitty parent she tells me that the Captain sometimes goes over and hits other kids and that she's never seen a child behave like that. He really should be put in a petri dish and studied.
Babysitter - The Captain sometimes goes over and hits other kids and I've never seen a child behave like that.
Me - Well, you've mentioned this before. Did you punish him?
Babysitter - Oh no. I won't do that. I'm just telling you so that you can take care of it at home.
Me - (defensively) Well, Babysitter, I'm not really sure what to tell you. You've mentioned this before and since I don't have other children around the house it's difficult to correct behavior that I'm not seeing. They correct him at school when it happens...
Babysitter - Well, obviously they're not doing a good job if he's still doing it (yes, apparently she believes it is their job to fix and not hers)!
Me - ...and he's no longer hitting at school because of it. And if I'm ever around it I correct it, but if you aren't going to punish him when it happens here I don't see what else you want me to do.
Babysitter - Well, I never would have told you I knew you were going to get upset.
Me - (raising my voice) You told me and I'm telling you what you should do. If he lashes out at another child he has to sit out and not play because playing is a privilege.
Babysitter - Well, I tried punishing him a couple of times in the beginning (Editors note - ummm...the beginning was 7 months ago) and it didn't work so I don't punish him.
(changing the topic)
So, Mediocre Mama, have you lost some weight?
Curtain Closes. The end.
This woman is killing me every time I see her. I feel like I'm running from the living dead when I see her (Editor's Note - Zombie movies rock, fyi), like if I let her speak one word to me she's going to suck my brain out.
3-1/2 more months. Holy crap I might not make it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
