- Arrived home at 7:30 to poopy pail. Shove babysitter out the door and the fun begins.
- Chased the Captain (who apparently spent his entire day snacking on sugar cubes, espresso and redbull) round the apartment, let him lock me in a closet, watched the meltdown building...
- 8:15, the meltown begins (Insert crying, kicking, screaming here).
- 8:30, put the Captain down for a quickie nap in hopes for a dinner out when Deviant Dad came home. Enjoyed a quick episode of Sex and the City and the first 20 minutes of Charmed.
- 9:15, Deviant wakes up the Captain to go to dinner and the meltdown continues. I send Deviant out with his sister for dinner.
- 9:30, attempt to feed the Captain some oatmeal, which he rebuffs.
- 10:30, after pacing, begging, tv-watching and bribery, realize I'm beat. Put Captain back down for the night, no supper in his tummy and curl up on the sofa in the fetal position awaiting the return of Deviant and SIL with my sushi.
Does this mean that I'm doomed to a life of buy now, pay for it afterwards with my child? I contemplated the pattern and it would seem that every time I get a babysitter there's a wake up in the middle of the night/meltdown scenario after the fact. It made me think that, although only 18-months, maybe the Captain is already making his gripe list and plotting his revenge. I ought to know - Deviant wrote his gripe list years ago.
Flashback to an evening, oh, maybe nearly 10 years ago. Deviant and I decided to shack up after college, much to the MIL's chagrin. She made us sleep in separate rooms when we visited and Deviant started on a rant about all the ways his parents wronged him growing up; and thus, the gripe list was born. It was long and to be sure I can't recall it all, but here's the shorthand on Deviant's upbringing:
- Until he was 10, they fed him carob and told him it was chocolate;
- They took him to Disneyland and told him he didn't need to see Disneyworld because it was "the same thing;"
- They fed him Blackstrap Molasses mixed with milk and told him it was chocolate milk;
- When his sister was small and whacked him in the face with one of those old metal seat belt on purpose (she admits), breaking his tooth in the process, they figured he'd done something to provoke her and took her out for ice cream;
- They gave him wheat germ;
- His Mom had a Buckaroo Kids small soft drink coupon for Roy Rogers. She changed the expiration date and used it until he was 16;
- I want my MT-wha? No cable until he was 22;
- For his birthday one year, his parents took him and some friends to see All of Me (a PG rated Steve Martin movie) for his 9th birthday. When they got to the scene where he spanks Victoria Tennant, she removed Mat and all his friends from the theater and left before it was over; and
- She also made him watch Yentl. Twice. When he walked out of the theater the first time because he hated it, she made him go see it again.
Ah, don't worry. We love the MIL and FIL to pieces. But it just goes to show you how a few bad choices could turn into a list you'll pay for the rest of your life. Oh, and just to give my parents fair play:
- They hired Mrs. Savoy to watch me while they worked. I probably could post a whole section on this, but for now, lets just say this: Lunch Lady;
- Knee patches;
- My boy hair cut that they told me was the Dorothy Hammil look. Check out my photo on the side and you tell me...;
- The Volcano project. Alright, repeat after me. A spray painted towel stapled to a board does NOT resemble a volcano;
- Sleep away camp; and
- After years of begging for a dog they finally break down and get one...for my sister.
Alright, better get the Captain to the park before he adds another one to his list...
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