It's funny how in those moments of desperation to get one chore done, to have 5 sane moments to accomplish a task without being dragged away and thrown in a closet, a real Mediocre Mama can be okay with the "wrongest" of toys for her toddler.
I present, for your amusement, the tampon.
Okay, now just wipe that shocked look off your face. I know what you look like because it's the same one the Dad had when he got home from work last night. And yes, I stress the fact that it was a Saturday and he was working because no sane person with a husband that worked only 5 days a week would come up with an idea like this.
While hanging a load of laundry yesterday (yes, I hang my laundry because I live in a little stone age country where they don't believe in dryers) the Captain wandered by in apparent desperate need of my attention. He grabbed my leg, my finger, he whined he tugged he pulled. I would not be deterred. After a few minutes, he wanders off, dejected and rejected. As he often does when he's being ignored, he'll find that one thing that should get my attention. He apparently found it and declared, "watch me pull a tampon out of this purse." Abracadabra. Presto.
He runs back into the guest room where I am hanging away and I look at him sideways. Suddenly it occurs to me, why not? I mean, really, he doesn't know what it is, it's got fun packaging to rip off and then lots of tubular devices to move around and, most important of all, it's probably cleaner and more sanitary than half of his toys. And then of course there's that strange voice in the back of my head that is thinking, "wow, maybe this will help him understand the plight of women everywhere. I can just see it, he'll be 3 years old and saying, 'Mama, I know that it's that time of the month. Why don't you go sit down while I hang the laundry.'"
So the Captain joyfully took apart my tampon whilst I joyfully got some housework done.
His Dad, of course, had that look of horror that all of you now have. But really, it's just a thing, isn't it? It isn't until we complicate it up with other meanings that it becomes disgusting. Think about it, if you didn't know what it was wouldn't a tampon be loads of fun for a baby? And it's safe too; it's not like he can strangle himself on the string and there are no dangerous small parts. I propose that all we need to do is re-market these suckers and you might have something. I present...Tampons for Tots.
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4 comments:
Justin has found amusement in peeling the paper off the back of panty-liners and sticking them on EVERYTHING (walls, doors, himself)...maybe that can somehow be marketed along with the Tampons for Tots?
Liners for little ones?
MM
My only complaint about letting Emma entertain herself with tampons was the fact that she wasn't entertained with just one, and I'm cheap. Before we moved into the house, tampons were always strewn about the apartment. Fortunately, Heather switched to a Diva Cup soon after that, so we didn't lose a lot of money in tampered-with tampons.
You must really want to save money, seeing as how you knocked her up. Come on, Tampons aren't all that expensive. Plus that glow in their eyes when they open one. It's like Christmas in July.
MM
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